Juice Cleanse, Day 1

So I got the brilliant idea that since Rhode Island got walloped by a snow storm last night, today would be a good day to start a cleanse. (I made it into work, but it's pretty quiet....so I figured since I was laying low, it would be a good time to start.)

Before a storm, most New Englanders stock up on bread and milk...I usually stock up on wine and tortilla chips. (Hey, whatever works.) Yesterday I skipped my usual pre-storm booze run and instead went to Whole Foods to load up on this stuff:

I felt so proud...and healthy. I read up on various cleanses and did some research, and when I found out Whole Foods carries Blueprint cleanses, I was pumped. After reading a bunch of reviews, Blueprint seemed pretty good, and most people claimed they didn't even feel hungry because the juices were filling.

I was skeptical, but had such great intentions.

Ok, maybe not great intentions. I'm trying to de-bloat before a possible date. More about that another time.

The way it works is there are 6 different juices per day. You drink them in order.

Today I started out with this:

Liquid kale and celery. It nearly stopped me in my tracks - I couldn't even finish the bottle...I drank half and skipped to the next one. Fortunately the pineapple/apple/mint was a lot more palatable, but the third course is...more green juice. BIG sad face.

The best thing I can compare it to is surgery prep, when you can only drink liquids. Sure, it's tolerable, but is it pleasant? No. And maybe I'm just a fat kid, but right now I'd be willing to commit a crime for a donut.

Ultimately what's keeping me on track is 1. fear of looking like a fatty on my first date with a new guy and 2. the fact that I spent over $100 on this stuff. Mostly #2 at this point...because after spending that much money on juice, I'm determined not to let it go to waste! Even if it means drinking celery.

An update from the front lines

After a few weeks of trying the online dating thing, I'm more convinced than ever of this: I'm going to be single forever.

I thought, if nothing else, it would at least make me feel better, that there are other normal people out there.

Instead I feel like I'm shopping in the bargain bins the day after Christmas. Sure, there may be a few great deals in there, but you have to wade through an enormous amount of crap to find them. The motley assortment of men who've contacted me just makes me feel creeped out and annoyed. Most of them, I'm certain, are basement-dwellers who probably collect doll heads. A disturbing amount are into "RPGs" which I've since learned are role playing games. No offense if that's your thing, but it is most definite not mine. Lilly Pulitzer doesn't mix well with Dungeons and Dragons.

I did have one actual date with an online guy. I liked him right off the bat because he could spell, seemed somewhat normal and actually sent a legit email, not just something I could tell was a generic cut and paste.

(And yes, I'm setting the bar high. Just be normal and able to spell. Not asking for a lot, right?? Wrong.)

After emailing back and forth we had a phone call. He seemed dorky but funny....he sounded a lot like Ross from the show Friends, which I found nerdily endearing. So, when he asked me out, I thought "why not?"

We met at a local brewery. He didn't quite look like his picture, but then again, it was tough to tell what he looked like in his profile pic since he was wearing a hat and sunglasses.

He was dorky but nice. Not someone I'd ever pick out in a bar, but since I'd just been reamed out by a girlfriend for being "too picky and judgy" I figured I'd give him a chance. We had a decent time, and the next morning he texted me to thank me for "the best first date ever."

Realizing his fine taste, I was warming up to him. I texted him back to say thanks, and he called me. After chatting a bit, we realized neither of us had eaten breakfast yet. He asked if I'd like to meet for brunch.

The road to my heart is paved with food, and brunch is one of my favorite things. Everything was looking great.

I met him outside his apartment complex. Right off the bat I realized that he didn't look quite as good without the dim lighting and several beers the night before, but in the back of my head I could still hear my friend Amy telling me to quit being judgy, so I went with it.

He drove to brunch, and in the 5-minute car ride he insisted on holding my hand and kissing me at every red light. Then when we got to the restaurant, he wanted to hold hands across the table.

I'm not super into PDAs. In the dim light of a bar, at midnight and after a few cocktails, maybe, but at 11am in a family restaurant? No thanks. I was quickly getting uncomfortable. It also dawned on me that he looked much older than me - I don't look my age, and although he's only 7 years older than me, he's not a youthful early 40ish. It wasn't quite as creepy as the Olsen twin and her French boyfriend, but still....

The food arrived and I was relieved. At least he let go of my hand.

Nonchalantly, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a package of tortillas. He then proceeded to make breakfast wrap sandwiches out of his omelette.

My jaw just about hit the table. He looked at me and casually said "I like to make wraps out of things." Like it was totally normal.

We were at a restaurant. That served sandwiches. And it wasn't a dietary thing: he ate the toast and home fries that came with the omelette.

But, because I'm a champ, I hung in there. Plus I was stuck, since he drove. After brunch he insisted on giving me the "grand tour" of his apartment and I very reluctantly acquiesced.

I am no neat freak, but since he had gone on about how he cleaned since he knew I was coming over, I expected it to be reasonably clean. Nope. It was a cluttered, tiny mess and smelled funny. He had a collection of bobble head dolls and no bed frame - just a mattress and box spring on the floor. For a kid just out of college this would have been ok, but not a 40-something professional.

I fled and that was it. He asked for another chance but I'm all set.

Staying home with my dog has never looked so good.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Adventures in online dating

So I finally did it...I caved and got myself an online dating profile. It has dawned on me (after having it pointed out numerous times) that I'm probably not going to meet the man of my dreams at the dive bar where I hang out.

This is going to take some getting used to, because right now I feel...dirty. And discouraged. Maybe it's because most of the guys who've contacted me are creepy, but it just feels wrong to have my info out there for all these people to see.

And, just as my friends call me "shit magnet" in real life, it turns out I'm an online shit magnet too! For some reason a lot of 20/21 year olds are contacting me. Is that what the kids are doing these days? Because I may look younger than my age, but I'm not looking to be anyone's cougar.

And the lines these guys use... "Wow, I'm fully convinced God must be a woman to create a physical specimen as adorable as you beautiful."

It is me?? Are there women out there who actually respond to this kind of stuff??

Because if that's what the dating pool has to offer, I'd rather stay home alone with my dog.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

In comparison I feel like a model citizen

A friend texted me a little while ago: "I hate to ask, but I don't know who else to go to. Mind if Kat (not her real name) crashes at your place for a couple days? She doesn't have anywhere else to go and is essentially homeless."

Background: I've met Kat a few times. She's the friend of one of my BFFs, and I find her pretty insufferable. And she's a hot mess - had a shopping addiction, can't keep a job, dated a married guy, etc, etc, etc. So do I want Kat crashing with me? No, not particularly. However, even I'm not enough of a jerk to turn away a homeless acquaintance. So I said ok.

And then my friend called me. She had spoken to Kat and gotten more of the story.

Kat got kicked out of her apartment. Supposedly the landlord stopped by, decided it was "too messy" and gave her the boot. And Kat "accidentally" deposited "just one check" into her personal account from a nonprofit organization she volunteered for. A few days ago the police came to her place of work and served her with a warrant for arrest. She's been staying with the friend of friend, but a few days ago the woman had a nervous breakdown. Kat had to drive the woman to the ER and doctors told her she may not live with anyone else until she gets her mental health together, so Kat had to leave.

Ok, back the train up here. First off, as a landlord, I know it's not that simple to kick out a tenant. And we don't just show up to do spot checks. Even if we did, "messy" isn't a reason to evict. Especially in this economy. My guess, especially given Kat's history, is that she stopped paying rent and THAT'S why she got kicked out...and even then, it's NOT a quick process; it would've taken weeks or months.

As for the "accidental" deposit...Kat claims it was $500. I could be wrong, but I don't think $500 would rise to the level of charges and court, and certainly not sheriffs showing up at her work with a warrant. I'm pretty sure $500 and under is small claims court here. So I think Kat's lying about how it happened and how much money was involved.

The story about the woman and nervous breakdown is just bizarre. My hypothesis is that Kat's been crashing somewhere and overstayed her welcome.

She also claims she can't stay with her "boyfriend" because "no one is supposed to know they're dating." Umm, first off, we don't call that a boyfriend if it's a secret...and it's not even a "friend" if they won't help. Even the guy I casually hook up with occasionally would let me crash with him if I had nowhere else to go. Sounds to me like Kat's dating a married man again, and that's why he "can't" have her stay there.

I told Kat I work for xx (something government/state related) agency, and as such, can't be anywhere near her if there's an outstanding warrant; in fact, I'm legally obligated to report her whereabouts if I know said warrant exists.

Since then, radio silence. Our mutual friend (who's also horrified) texted to tell me I'm off the hook.

Jeez...I thought MY life was a mess! In comparison, I feel like a mature, responsible adult! I'm wearing clean clothes, my utilities are all working (at the moment) and I fed my dog today. I even did a 5k and a few craft projects over the weekend. Things could be much, much worse.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A friend's dog died recently. It was terribly sad; Daisy was 14 and a much-loved member of their family...and just an all-around great dog.

One week to the day after Daisy died, my friend stumbled upon an item she's been trolling for on eBay for years. And although it usually sells for well over $100, there was a "buy it now" price of $44. After checking out, my friend realized that the seller's user name was "daisydog." She took it as a sign from Daisy. And I'm not going to lie, I kinda did too.

And then I started thinking....

I know several people who've said they experienced some kind of sign from a departed loved one. And selfish and ridiculous as this is...I was kinda miffed that I haven't had any kind of "sign" from my Memere.

Yeah, I know: completely ridiculous. But I miss her, a lot. Still.

When I bought my house (just over 3 years ago) my aunt gave me my Memere's silver tea set. Out of all the things from her house, this was probably the most meaningful for me. I used to play with it all the time when I went to my grandmother's house. I thought she must be a very fancy person to have such a fancy tea set.

However, the tea set has sat in boxes since it was given to me, and is now in serious need of a good cleaning. 

Before she got sick (so probably a year and a half to 2 years ago) my Memere gave me a small, high table that had been in her parlor - perfect to display the tea set. But, I left it in my parents' garage until I could bring it to my house - I didn't have room in my car. And it got damaged - irreparably, I thought. My dad was very apologetic, but said he was going to throw it out.

So that was that. Occasionally I'll tool around craigslist and look for a table for the tea set, but on the list of stuff that has to be done around here, that is wayyyy down on the list.

This past weekend, I was out running errands. I saw silver polish for a good price at Home Goods, so I decided to buy it. Even though I had nowhere to put the tea set. And I'm broke as you-know-what this week. It was the kind of purchase that made me question my sanity, just a little - totally frivolous and unnecessary, especially when I'm this broke.

The next day I went to my parents' house for Father's Day (which was awesome, btw...just an all-around great day). Lo and behold, my dad still had the table, AND he was able to fix it. I was SHOCKED. It's now sitting in my dining room, waiting for me to polish up the tea set.

This wasn't exactly a ghostly apparition, but then again, she was never one for big displays. I'd like to think she's still keeping an eye on me and helping out in her little ways.

Sick

I've had a sinus infection/bronchitis combo all week. Don't worry, though - this guy is taking good care of me:




Being sick = lots of time on the couch. So we've been watching a lot of History Channel and HGTV. The episode of "Love It or List It" is blowing my mind. (First off, the couple is on a $1.5M budget looking to upgrade their 3,000 sq ft row house. But I digress.)

The wife is pitching a fit about heated floors in the bathroom. "How can you not have heated floors?? Then you'd have cold tiles and we can't have that."

Umm, in my world, we live with the heat of the WHOLE HOUSE turned down low...never mind whether the floor's cold. And when I was house hunting, my wish list was that it wouldn't be TOO ghetto fab. LOL!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

If dreams are the mirror of our soul, then what does this say about mine?

I've been having really weird dreams lately.

A couple nights ago, it was that my college roommate and I teamed up to rob a bank. I was the getaway driver, so I guess that makes her the muscle. (I think we did get away, too.)

Then one night the dream was about organizing all my shoes.

I have no idea what this all means -- except clearly I need a vacation.

My 'hood version of a walk of shame...

...is having to text my tenants to let them know that I'm having "overnight company." Since an extra car messes up parking in our already-crowded driveway.

Damn you, city that doesn't allow overnight parking on its streets! Way to blow up my spot.

Semi-wordless Wednesday

I'm guessing my 'hood didn't make the list.

Brewster Shaming

Guess who was just submitted to Dog Shaming??

This guy:

I'll let you know if/when he makes his Internet debut!

Still here...

It has been a crazy few weeks.

So, last time I posted? I had just gotten my windshield smashed. Just my luck, the glass installer guy won't leave me alone. He's somewhat cute and funny...and has a pony tail and a criminal record. Barf. So of course that means he's wildly attracted to me and will not take a hint.

On a more positive note, I had an early Christmas miracle over the weekend: my kid brother called me. Randomly and out of the blue. He was going to a party about 10 minutes from my house and wanted to know if I could pick him up, if he happened to have a couple drinks. (Kid brother has had his own brushes with the law.) As luck would have it, I wasn't doing anything, so I drove him (and his lady friend) to and from the party, then they crashed at my place.

I was glad to have company- had a little 'hood incident that night. I was folding laundry around 1am (yes, I was home doing laundry at 1am on a Saturday night...welcome to my wild and crazy life) when I heard a scuffle outside. It sounded like a man and woman fighting. It kept escalating, and I was starting to wonder if I should call the police...when I heard the woman yell "he's trying to stab me. Call 911!" So I called 911. When the dispatcher tried to connect me to the officer, we had a bad connection. They traced my number and I think thought -I- was the one in distress...within a couple minutes 4 cruisers were at my front door. And, umm, although I own the house, I live on the second floor. So they knocked on the door...of my tenants' apartment. Thankfully they were still awake and not completely freaked out by the PPD knocking in the middle of the night.

And the scuffling couple? Nowhere to be found. I felt a little silly. My tenants had heard the fight, though, so at least I didn't feel like I was imagining things! (Although I was mildly disturbed that the tenants didn't think maybe they should call 911.)

So, the moral of the story is that I was very glad kid brother called and stayed over...not a great night to be home alone!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Hood life ain't easy

Had another incident last night. I didn't realize it until this morning when I went to let Brewster out. I saw this:




Yup, that's my car. After a brick was thrown at my tenant's car, I had them take my spot in the garage. I figured if a car was going to get damaged, I'd rather it be mine.

Guess what...a car got damaged. It was mine.

That makes two nights someone throws a brick at a car in my driveway. I'm freaking out. I'm uneasy in my own house. I don't like it. Here's hoping it doesn't happen again!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Things that go bump in the night

We had a little incident in the 'hood last night: someone threw a brick at my tenant's car. Thankfully it hit a vehicle, not a person - in fact, everyone else in the house slept through the whole thing. Except me. I heard a crash in the back yard and was convinced someone was trying to break in. So I grabbed Brewster and a flashlight and headed outside to defend my property.

In hindsight, a very stupid idea. I'm not quite sure what I thought my Boston Terrier and I were going to do scare away a burglar, but no one was out there anyway. Good thing! I literally slept with one eye open, paranoid they'd come back. Not a fun night...things like that make me miss living in a cowtown.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

People are crazy

I'm writing this with a snoring Brewster parked in my lap.

I don't know what got me started on this, but lately I've been wondering how his last owner gave him away. Obviously I'm glad they did - because if they hadn't, I wouldn't have him now. But I can't imagine how someone was able to look at this sweet little face and give him away. To a shelter to boot.



Sleepy boy.

I can't even imagine telling him we're going for a ride, then taking him somewhere and leaving him. For good. I can't imagine doing that to any animal, let alone this sweet little guy.




I can't imagine watching him get excited to go for a ride, knowing I wasn't bringing him back. Even if I was living out of my car, I'd bring him with me. I have an understanding with my parents and friends - if, God forbid, something happens to me, someone would take Brewster. I just don't get it when dogs are dumped at shelters due to someone moving, or a "change in family circumstances." I wouldn't move somewhere I couldn't bring my dog! And if something absolutely horrible happened and I absolutely couldn't keep him, I can't imagine bringing him to a shelter- I'd find someone for him.



Anyway. Enough of my soapbox. Especially after the crazy week I've had, I am way all aware that there are some wacky people out there. And even though I don't agree with his former owner's decision to give him away, I'm definitely glad they did.

It's already coming up on one year since I adopted him. He's a pain sometimes, but he's also a total lovebug and incredibly sweet. I'm so, so glad he's mine.



I was so sad after my last dog died. I couldn't imagine that I'd be able to love another dog as much, but it was also really quiet in the house without the pitter patter of four little paws running around. Brewster has been such a great addition to my life!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

It's been a rough couple weeks on the dating front.
You know how bad things happen in threes? I thought I was off the hook. But no.
I'll start from the beginning. My latest prospect has gone rogue on me: he has taken up with another girl. A long-distance one, to boot. So I've been a little bummed. This guy is great- he's smart, cute, we get along great and we're two peas in a pod. I thought things had potential. Instead I've been subjected to a bunch of Facebook pics of him and long-distance girl on a weekend away.
Another Facebook pick-me-up: a guy I dated a few years back is now happily married and just had a baby. He created a blog to keep friends and family updated, and he posts updates on Facebook daily. I'm happy for him, honestly. But I'm just a little sensitive about that stuff now.
Because the final part of this trifecta: the guy I dated just a few months ago...is now engaged. We ended things in March; he got engaged in May. And now they have a wedding website. And it's weird. Out of all the things that bother me about it - and there are sooo many: that he was dating both of us around the same time, and that she was the one he picked, even though she's much less attractive than me; that they have a cheesy engagement website, complete with a "janeplusjack@gmail" email address (not their real names); that they have cheesy "engagement pictures" of them lying juxtaposed in the grass, and of course the close up of the ring, with her hand posed over his - what gets to me the most is that they're registered at Kohl's. Kohl's!
This is a guy who's lived and traveled all over the world. And, um, not to mention - this is his second marriage. I thought he was above the whole gift registry completely - or if he did register, it would be a chip-in thing towards an African safari honeymoon trip, or something like that. Not a registry for potholders and towels at Kohl's!
So I thought with that horrific completion to my dating disaster triumvirate, I was done for a bit with the shit magnet-ness. Nope.
Went out the other night with a friend to watch the presidential debate. Guy at the bar starts talking to me. He's older (like, um, 50-ish older) but kinda cute...and he has a southern accent. So I figure, what the heck. With the terrible run I've had lately, things are bound to turn around. Right?
Wrong. He seemed fine enough - charming and pleasant. A few warning bells went off, but I chose to ignore them: he was talking about flying me out to the next place he's going (he travels a lot for work), and taking me out the next time he's in RI for work in a couple weeks. He mentioned kids and an ex-wife. Surprisingly that didn't bother me a whole lot. And he came on pretty strong, but after the way things have been going lately, a little flattery was kinda nice. But something just wasn't adding up.
He never called or texted. Given how strong he came on, that was a little odd. And it hit me: he's not divorced. Sure enough, a little google research confirmed my fears. Sure, it's possible that he's very recently divorced or separated, but I doubt it.
I'm disgusted. I'm also becoming increasingly convinced that I'm going to be single forever. And given the options that are out there, single's not so bad.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:More dating disasters

34....going on 5

Earlier this week I had a work event. I was a little stressed - it's part of a larger campaign we're doing.

At any rate..my dad was a few miles away for a meeting. He had made chicken corn soup the night before, I've been fighting a bug, and he thought we should try to meet up so he could give me a container of soup.

Fine. In fact, incredibly thoughtful. But our schedules didn't really quite match up. So he told me to leave my car unlocked and he'd leave the soup in my car.

But I forgot. I was stressed and busy and in a hurry. Although I appreciated his good intentions, I was kind of annoyed with the timing. Soup wasn't one of my priorities.

So the event went on. Toward the end, things were winding down. I got paged to the stage.

Guess who showed up at my event with a quart of soup?

When my door was locked, good old dad was afraid to leave the soup on the roof of the car. So he came on in. When I left the event, my dad was out in the lobby, talking to my boss, and holding a quart of soup.

I know I'm really lucky. My dad is quite possibly the nicest man in the world, for real. But I was also completely mortified.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Craziness

The past month has been completely unrelenting. I absolutely love my job, but the past few weeks have been really intense. It has just been so incredibly busy, and added to that- I've been crazy busy after work too. Family stuff, extracurricular stuff, random volunteer stuff/added projects... The end result is that I've been burning the candle at both ends in a big way. Case in point: I had an event last night and didn't get home til about 9, then had to be at another event for 8:15 this morning (30min away and I am soooo not a morning person). Went straight from the event to a meeting, which ran late...and I'm on a deadline for a project tomorrow. So I stayed at work til a little after 6, at which point I realized I was no longer being productive. I was supposed to meet friends out, but instead came home and put on my PJs. I'm BEAT.

Or at least that's what I'm chalking this evening up to. I just bawled my eyes out watching, of all things, The Vampire Diaries. And a repeat to boot. I'll admit: it's totally one of my favorite shows (along with Gossip Girl and Nancy Grace...clearly a lot of highbrow programming in this house!). But bawl-worthy? Not so much.

Poor Brewster does not know what to make of this all. As much as he's a brat a lot of the time, he really is a little sweetie...he was very distressed to see me upset, and tried to lick away my tears.

I'm hoping things start calming down a little, but I really don't see an end in sight. It's all good stuff that I want to be doing, but I need to find a way to balance everything a little better.

Plus I need to spend more time with this guy:



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Wordless Wednesday

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Shame, shame

There's a tumblr called "dogshaming" that is making my life right now- I laugh out loud every time I read it!

I think I have a worthy submission...my only problem was figuring out what to "shame" Brewster for!!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I'm back...

Down, but not out.

Today I briefly thought Brewster had been dognapped.

I was doing yard work on the side of the house. Since the whole yard is fenced, I just let him roam while I weeded. At one point I thought I heard the gate open and close, but never heard a car pull in, so didn't think much of it.

When I came around the side, the back door had been closed, and Brewster was nowhere to be found. Being my father's daughter, I started to panic.

My first floor tenants let me in, and pointed out that third floor tenant had come home. Turns out he brought B in as well. Apparently he never thought that since the door was open and the dog was outside, maybe I was outside too?

Also today, someone apparently gave the neighbor kids some kazoo/whistle things. So the kids have been blaring on them. All.night. I'm about to lose my mind. Whoever gave rowdy kids kazoos should be locked in a room with the kids and the kazoos. See how funny it is then.

And finally, the other big news in my life: after being busted for almost a year, I finally had the pilot light fixed on my oven. So my oven works again! (Yeah, I cook a lot. Ha.) I planned to celebrate by baking a cake tonight....but realized I'm missing key ingredients. Like eggs. (What can I say...clearly domestic isn't my thing.)

One day maybe I'll get my act together...




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad