Dear Mac,
I know that you have separation anxiety. I have learned to live with it. Every time I leave you home alone, I accept the fact that I will be cleaning and mopping the floor upon my return. I understand that, for the most part, this is something you cannot control, and that it is one of the many quirks that make you...you.
However....if you relieve yourself upon one more household item or appliance, I truly believe I will surpass the limits of my patience. Over the past several months, you have urinated and/or defecated upon both a handheld and stand up vacuum cleaner, a floor steam cleaner, a hair dryer, a flat iron, a wicker coffee table, two book cases, a glass tv table, the refrigerator and the stove. Today I discovered that you soiled my portable shredder, as well as a small pile of documents awaiting shredding.
I won't even list the multiple pairs of shoes you have sullied, although it must be noted that the black suede Banana Republic ankle books were particularly painful. It is worth mentioning that it must take some effort to urinate INTO said pair of ankle boots, so I find it difficult to believe that this incident occurred accidentally. You have also urinated into my recycling bin, another feat that requires no small amount of maneuvering. While I am trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, I can't help but believe that there is some ill intent on your part.
You are teetering on the precipice of my good will, Mac. I have just two words for you: canine diapers.
Love,
Me
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