I had scheduled an appointment to bring him to the vet tomorrow...I was having a really hard time coming to terms with putting him down. I'm so grateful it didn't come to that- one of my friends said that Mac always did things on his own terms, so that it made sense that this was no different.
He had been really finicky with his eating over the past few weeks, and the past couple days his food of choice was rotisserie chicken. Yesterday on my lunch break I stopped at Boston Market to pick up lunch for both of us, then went home to check on him. When I got upstairs he was sprawled by the door. It took me a couple minutes to process what had happened. He was still warm and I think he made a few sounds (although I was pretty hysterical so I can't be sure). But at any rate, what I think happened was this: he heard me come home and was waiting by the door for me and collapsed. It brings me a lot of comfort to think that he knew I was home and was coming up to see him when he went.
There was also fresh pee on a shopping bag in the next room- so I know he had been up to his usual antics, and that also makes me feel better. I don't think he suffered or was in pain- I think his heart just finally gave out. He had a bunch of places around the house that were his "hang out" spots- the couch, the sun room, couple rugs he liked- and the place I found him wasn't one of his hang outs. It was where he always waited by the door for me. So, I truly do think he heard me pull into the driveway and come up the stairs.
I'm sadder than I can even express- for the past 10 years he has been my sidekick. I keep looking for him, expecting this to be a bad dream or something. I keep forgetting that he's gone. Just a couple minutes ago I looked at the foot of my bed, expecting to see his little face pop up. It's going to take some getting used to.
But I'm also more grateful than I can say- my parents, family, and friends have been so good to me. My dad is out of town this week so couldn't be with me, but he called the vet for me and made all the arrangements for me to bring Mac in. My friend Amy, bless her heart, drove down from Boston to take me to the vet yesterday so I didn't have to go alone. Another friend stopped by to check on me last night, another came by today, and another took me to dinner tonight. I've had tons of Facebook messages and emails. Even Mac's vet called to say how sorry she was (she wasn't in the office yesterday). This has been such a shitty situation, for sure, but I'm so grateful for all the love, and it really has made me feel so much better.
I'm also glad he's not suffering. It was starting to get to the point where he would be suffering soon; for a dog so full of energy and vitality, I couldn't have handled seeing him lose his mobility. He was starting to have trouble getting up, he had fallen a couple times, and stairs were iffy. Just the day before he passed away, we went for a ride in the car. He had his head out the window and was bouncing around in the car, scoping out other dogs. We went through the drive thru at Burger King and the ladies working fussed over him and told him how cute he was. I'm glad I took the long route. I'm glad I drove slower than usual so he could hang his head out the window. And I'm glad I spent a little longer in bed yesterday morning, because I was snuggled up with him and didn't want to leave. Before I left for work, I gave him a kiss on the head and told him I'd be home to see him at lunch. It was one of those mornings that got away from me at work, and when I might have skipped lunch. I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad I went home and was there.
So, even though this really sucks right now, I don't think I'd change anything. He was an exceptional dog- so freakin' smart, full of personality, adorable and funny and sweet. I'm glad he went out on a good note, because he deserved it.
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