I've still got the vicious stomach bug, and, to add insult to injury...things with the guy did not work out. Not gonna lie, I'm bumming.
Ironically we made it through my bionic arm brace - I thought that would send him running in the opposite direction, but it didn't - and he even hung around through the first day of my nasty stomach flu. (Which yes, was just two days ago. Two days. Everything with us was fine this weekend.) He even made me pancakes and rubbed my back after I threw up. So today came a little out of left field.
We weren't ever "exclusive." So I knew that there was a good chance there were other girls in his life. And I hadn't totally cut out the other guys in mine. But I was ok with that, for the most part.
There were a few things here and there at bugged me- nothing that was a deal breaker, but stuff that I could see turning into a deal breaker down the road. For example: our lifestyles are completely different. I'm not dead-set on staying here my whole life, but I'm currently living 20 miles from where I grew up, and I'm super close to my family. I have a straight up 9-5 working for The Man. I own a house and need to know I have a regular paycheck. I like stability. He's really transient- basically lives out of a couple suitcases. His family and friends are all over the world. His job is unpredictable. His lifestyle is NOT conducive to having a family.
I was ok with all that, for now, but I could see it becoming a problem later. And there were a few other much bigger issues that I was having a hard time being ok with now.
He's divorced. His marriage ended because of infidelity. He didn't just cheat one time; he had a relationship with someone else that led to the breakup of his marriage. That bothered me. And I had a hard time because (and this is something I'm not proud of, but) I've cheated in past relationships. So I like to think that the adage "once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't true, because I'd like to think there's hope for me.
But it bothered me that he was committed enough to one person that he got down on one knee and promised to spend the rest of his life with her, and then two years into it, he changed his mind. I know that's harsh, but I also know that would have been in the back of my mind.
The biggest issue was that he's an atheist. Not something I knew coming in. And if I had known, I wouldn't have gone out with him in the first place. My feelings on religion are hard for me to talk about- being raised catholic, I'm just not super comfortable verbalizing how I feel about God. And although I'm certainly not practicing now, I do still identify myself as catholic. Even though my beliefs don't necessarily jive with all the catholic teachings, I do believe in God and my faith is important to me.
So things were far from ideal, and yet, I really liked this guy. A lot. It's been so long since I actually opened myself up to someone- years, actually. It was scary as hell for me. Having it not work out is a tough blow. And the worst part is I'm broke and sick- so I can't take myself shopping to cheer myself up, and I can't even drown my sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry's . This really, really sucks.
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