Uncharted territory

My relationship past has been checkered, to say the least. It takes a lot for me to fall for a guy, but when I do....I really do. And, being of a certain age (cough, over 30), I've had my heart broken along the way. My friend Sass jokes that the guys in my life have a pattern: "I love you, you're the most amazing person I've ever met, I want to be with you forever...ok, goodbye!"

That has pretty much literally happened. More than once. So I think it's understandable that I'm a little guarded now.

And as for type? I don't have one. There's just an unquantifiable "it" that's either there, or not. A psychic once told me that I'm perceptive to someone's energy, and that's what attracts me. I don't put much stock in promises from psychics, but that's actually a pretty accurate way to describe it.

So why am I feeling so analytical? I met a guy. This is the first time in a really long time that I've actually had feelings for someone. And it is absolutely terrifying me.

I'm a control freak when it comes to relationships- probably why I haven't been in one for so long! Being in this weird in-between stage is driving me insane. I know I really like this guy. I'm not ready to commit, and I don't think he is either. And while I want to still keep my options open...I hate the thought of him keeping his options open.

Being single and over 30 can be rough terrain- most of my friends are married and have been for quite some time. And while I'm perfectly happy being the third wheel with my girlfriends and their husbands for social outings, they really can't relate to what it's like to date now.

What it all boils down to is that when I find myself having a freak out like this, most of my friends don't really understand. So I'm kind of on my own trying to figure things out. And that's a drag.

The good news is at least I still have this guy:



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